#THISWEEK // Our Top Ten Stories — 27 October 2017

What’s real? I mean, you could have been born in 1997 yet quote the entirety of Seinfeld as if you caught it first run. Didn’t see Nirvana on the 1st of March ’94 in Munich? Doesn’t matter, you can get a YouTube of it, and that’s just as good. A document isn’t an echo of an experience any more, it is the experience. I mean, why the hell else would people stick their phones up in the air while catching a blazing set of their favourite band? I hate to say it, but the old timers facepalming at n00bs have lost the battle. We had to sit through hours of crap for one fresh, solitary episode of Rocko’s Modern Life; the new generation have it all on tap. No wonder they’re impatient. There’s no reward for waiting, any more. Anyway, here’s our Top Ten:

1. Hard Noise: A Night In Texas + A BOMBSHELL Invasion Fest 2018 Drop

Ash Hull kind of steals the spotlight from the Brissy boys. OH WELL

2. Kickback & Relax With … The Kickback

Pilot episode featuring the author of The Book of Barb, Nadia Bailey

3. Polaris Cause Spontaneous Male Ejaculation

Maybe some moist cracks too, but we aren’t too sure

4. Primitive Is As Aussie as a McFeast With Beetroot On

Which is still Aussie, right m8?

5. Northlane Cannot Be Contained

The Node-sters destroy 170 Russell, and our minds

6. We Came As Romans, We Left As Metalcore Defined

Reborn and renewed, are they re-energising metalcore?

7. Hurricanes? Trivium Say “No Problem”

We’ll play on while the ship sinks! Well maybe not that

8. Quiet Slang On The Uptake

Is it better than…loud slang? COBBA?

9. Polaris’ Metalcore T.K.O.

Better than GSP vs Bisping? We’ll never tell (ok click and find out)

10. Sculpting The Beautiful Monument

A coven of riffs and barnstorming cinematic ‘core