Ask any fan of punk rock their favourite bands, and more likely than not, Strung …
Christmas is seven sleeps away and oh LAWD is that close when you think about it. Don’t worry though, Hysteria have got you sorted with the perfect last minute Christmas shopping guide to cover the whole spectrum of alternative fans. From My Chemical Romance to Slayer, we’ve got you fam with 30 fantastic gifts to satisfy the discerning gift-recipient in your life.
Disclaimer: We can’t promise that all of these will arrive in time for Christmas Day but some of them are just so good that surely whoever you’re buying for won’t mind waiting a bit longer. Buy at your own risk (and happy holidays; let’s not get all too doom and gloom)!
Linkin Park // One More Light Live
Bawled your eyes out like us at the Celebrate Life In Honour of Chester Bennington stream? Yeah us too. If you want to catch the last ever pro-recorded audio of Bennington, the band are also releasing a One More Light Live record, all caught during the band’s final ever tour with the singer. God here we go crying again …
Download Festival // Ticket
Uhh if you’ve been living under a rock, this is going to blow your mind. Korn, Prophets of Rage and Limp Bizkit are all hitting Melbourne on March 24 for the inaugural Download Fest in Australia. If they’re not interested in legacy acts like Good Charlotte (obviously we’re joking, because that’s not a thing), then young guns like Trophy Eyes, Alpha Wolf, Nails, Neck Deep, and Ocean Grove might just win them over. Check here for the full line up.
Frank Iero // Bloody Nose Pillow Case
Any Frank Iero fan will love this, guaranteed. They won’t be crying themselves to sleep with this pillow case, lovingly printed on with a photo of the man himself with a stream of blood pouring down. It sounds bizarre but believe us; this is primo Iero merch. Artist First have it on a shirt too if a pillow case seems a bit much.
DZ Deathrays // Christmas Bundle
Well now this is just a bloody lovely bundle ain’t it? Grab a pre-order of DZ’s new record Bloody Lovely (set for release Feb 8) with a t-shirt, stubby cooler, card and a poster of the record cover. Fans of Violent Soho and Dune Rats will probably love this too because we all know the best things come in threes.
The Smith Street Band // CD + Tee Bundle
We’re all about options and this one has three of the suckers. Gift buyers can choose from a record cover, AC/DC homage logo, or ‘Reelisation’ tee along with a Smithies CD. It’s one of their best offerings yet so grab a shirt that’s a size larger and they’ll get their tears on.
Machine Head // Catharsis ‘Splatter’ Vinyl
Well it’s not hard to find a Machine Head fan considering they’ve been at the top of the game since 1991. Their new record Catharsis is set to drop on Australia day, but pre-ordering this vinyl to make sure it doesn’t sell out is a pretty safe bet. It’s 15 tracks and 75 minutes of bone crushing riffs all laid out over 2LP’s to ensure maximum sound quality as Robb Flynn slams into ya noggin.
Violent Soho // Blazin’ Skull Beach Towel
Who loves getting blazed on the beach? Uhh, we meant getting a bit sunburnt but if you want to lay this towel on out and partake in some more illicit activities then who are we to tell you this isn’t the perfect accompaniment? The iconic Violent Soho logo has stood the test of time and is reversible in black or white. HELL FUCK YEAH!
Violent Soho // Limited Edition Poster
Look no further than the site you’re currently on; we’ve got a photo full of creamy treats … and some Streets ice-creams. Put this huge poster of the Violent Soho lads cracking open a Bubble O’ Bill up and grab your own frozen delight; it’s almost like you’re having an ice-cream party with the band themselves!
AU$24.95 with free Aus shipping SHOP >
My Chemical Romance // T-shirt
It’s not an MCR reunion ticket but someone will appreciate you remembering the glory days where Gerard reigned king. Plus if an emo shirt doesn’t have a pun or a vaguely threatening message on it then what’s even the point?
Gerard Way // Doom Patrol Vol. 1 Book
Maybe that Gerard fan of yours is still keeping up to date with his various activities. If so then this paperback version of his debut take on the famous Doom Patrol comics might be up their alley. If you really want to spring for a memorable gift, as of writing there’s a signed As-New version of the comic’s first edition on sale for US$95. Hey if you want to be a star, we aren’t stopping you.
Metallica // Monopoly Board Game
Hell if you’re going to tear the family apart it may as well be in the spirit of Lars tearing Metallica’s fanbase apart with St Anger. Or the band tearing them apart again with Lulu. Or Load. Or Reload. Basically Metallica fans are never happy. But this might get them in a festive mood as they blast through famous landmarks, studios and childhood homes with a Kill ‘Em All hammer or … And Justice For All scales player piece before the first arena (house) or stadium (hotel) is built.
Bring Me The Horizon // 2018 Wall Calendar
We hear there might just be a new Bring Me album in the pipeline for 2018 (and by hear we made a guess based on the fact That’s The Spirit released over two years (!) ago). What better way to countdown the inevitable days until its release than this beauty filled with images of ya favourite Sheffield lads?
Neck Deep // Holiday Sweater
This is an absolute cracker of a holiday sweater for that Neck Deep fan in the fam. Their record The Peace and the Panic is immortalised in a faithful reproduction of its cover. Unfortunately this one’s release date is 18th of December so it might not arrive for Christmas, but hey, they offer free pickup so maybe it’s worth hoofing down to Melbourne for this beauty.
Ocean Grove // The Rhapsody Tapes Poster
We gave this record a 10 at the beginning of the year and we stand by it, so grab a part of the legacy with this wall art. The trippy cover photography is courtesy of our good friend Daniel Anderson and there’s no doubt the boys would be more than happy to sign it if you catch them at a merch desk in the future. Oh what’s that? They’re playing Download Fest and it’d be the perfect combination? We spoil you.
Audio-Technica // ATH M50xRD 2017 Limited Edition Red Headphones
Anyone who knows anything about headphones will tell you that the ATH M50x’s are some of the best on the market. Even Beyonce’s used them during recording; that’s how far these have travelled. They’ve produced a limited colourway for the pair since 2012 and this red and gold version is one of our favourites since 2014’s blue/brown chic. If you REALLY want to be a superstar, ‘burn them in’ with a few hours of select music to get them primed for their best sound. Helpful guides are all over the internet and your music-loving recipient won’t believe their ears from the first listen.
Propaghandi // How To Clean Everything Skate Deck
If you want to remind a punk how old they are, grab them this How To Clean Everything skate deck. If they know who the band are AND remember buying the record, then Christmas is set to be an existential crisis for the ages. That’s set to intensify because it doesn’t release until December 28; so in essence you’re giving them a one-two punch reminder of their age and the grim realisation that nothing is actually real with this gift. Then again, it’s a banger of an album and they’ll love you once the fear of unstoppable death passes. It’s a limited edition out of 200 too so that’ll perk ‘em up!
Of Mice & Men // Defy Pre-order Bundle
Of Mice & Men’s first record without vocalist Austin Carlisle is set to be a make or break for the band. They’ve already released a strong single in the form of Unbreakable so it’s a safe bet that the new record will please any hardcore fan. Limited vinyl and a logo coin, plus a long sleeve to wear to Download when they arrive (see? Even more combos to help you out) is a slam dunk.
Hammerfall // Glory To The Brave 20 Year Anniversary Gold Vinyl
Maybe you’re dating someone who refuses to listen to anything with a word before ‘metal’. It’s okay; we all know someone who’s a purist at heart. Hammerfall are still churning out records from the far reaches of Sweden over 20 years later but this is the one that started it all. Plus it’s limited to 500 and gold; how many records they got that look like that hey?
Slayer // ‘Skulls’ Blacklight Poster
Oh now this is a hell of gift. Not only is it a rad Slayer poster to begin with, sling a blacklight onto it and it’ll glow all unholy like. Man cave perfection if we’ve ever seen it (or in the bedroom if you’re one of those cool couples or something). Although you’ll have to take a trip down to Ikea or somewhere to actually get the blacklight which is decidedly not thrash but that’s another thing to fill the stocking right?
Sepultura // VIP Meet and Greet Package
Have a Cavalera tragic in the house? Then look no further than this VIP package for their May shows that’ll surely have them more rapt than the call of “ROOOOOOOTS”. Not only do they get a ticket to the show (that’s $79 dollarydoos alone), they score a meet and greet with the band, a photo on their own phone or camera, two items signed by the band, a limited edition A3 thick card poster, an official VIP laminate and *pauses for breath* priority access to the venue. For an extra $100 that’s a hell of a deal and they’ll love you forever.
Kane Hibberd // Kanye Lens Vs Soundwave Vol. 1 Ltd Edition Photo Book
Ahh Soundwave; our favourite day of the year, cut down far too short in its life. Relive some of the best memories through the lens of legendary Australian photographer Kane Hibberd, reproduced over 450 pages and 600 photos. He’s even writing a personal message in the final copy to be sold, and throwing in a button badge and a laminate bookmark. Even the most festival averse can see the raw passion and love inside the pages of this one.
Marshall // Mini Speaker
If you know someone who’s too poor to buy yourself an actual full stack of amps; we know the struggle. Get the ailing guitarist in your life this double set of speakers complete with overdrive and volume control. You can even adjust the bass and treble if you’re that sort of person. Which let’s be honest, the person you’re buying for probably is.
AU$79 with free Aus Shipping SHOP >
USB Mix Tape
Those yearning for the days where sharing music was a damn sight more personal than a Spotify playlist link over Messenger will lap this one up. Scribble the tracklist, a title and a personal message on the retro AF mixtape packaging and fill the included 1GB usb with all your faves. Cutest thing we’ve found all year but maybe check to see if they actually know what a mix tape IS before grabbing it …
Jimmy Barnes // Retro Novelty ‘Screaming’ Clock (Unavailable until the New Year)
Okay so this one actually isn’t available until the new year but we can’t finish the list without giving it a mention. Anyone who’s ever cried to Working Class Man will love waking up to Barnsey’s iconic “hyeeeaaaIIIIIIHHHHHH” screams every morning. Also available as a clever product to hide in that dickhead who ruined Christmas’ roof so every morning at 6am he’s tormented by the ghost of Jimmys’ past. This is our peak as a society and we may as well give up on anything surpassing it.
Unicorns Are Real Christmas Sweater
This is genuinely the most boss thing we have on this list if they manage to sit down to Christmas lunch outside in the boiling 40 degree sun with a smile on their face. Aunt Carol will turn down her nose and wonder what’s gotten into the youth of today. Fuck Aunt Carol; she’s not a legend enough to wear this jumper but your significant other/sibling/friend sure the hell is.
Punk Girls by Liz Ham
Hell yeah we love our punk girls. Containing over 100 portraits of punk women in the Australian music industry from High Tension to Gloryhole, this book is filled with iconic history and images from the one and only Liz Ham. Girls to the front? Fuck yeah!
Iconic Punk Shot Glasses
Looking for a Kris Kringle gift or a relatively cheap stocking stuffer? Look no further than this set of four randomised shot glasses. Tattoo flash, Anarchy symbols and Nautical stars are just some of the combinations you might get. Plus you might just get invited into a mystery shot later on in the evening in celebration; sounds like a win-win to us.
Nike SB Zoom Blazer Mid
Yo you totally have that metal fan that also loves ball and probably rates Spotify’s Rap Caviar pretty highly too. Or maybe they’re just sick of getting blood on their Nike TN’s in the pit and they want an easy to mask solution. Enter these bad boys: they’re sure to look as good on the court as they do wrapped around someone’s jaw unlucky enough to get caught in the way of their B O S S spinkicks at the show.
Kat Von D #VeganAlert Makeup Range
You already know that Kat Von D is a pretty big name in the scene; she’s pretty much the Kim Kardashian of the alternative makeup world too. Being the socially conscious badass she is, she’s got an entire range of makeup that’s certified vegan. That’s right, ever since last year all of her Kat Von D Beauty products are “100% cruelty free forever”. Looking hot enough to conquer the world and preventing little bunnies from getting abused in experiments is metal as fuck in our opinion.
The THC Game
If ripping cones and listening to The Bennies is more your gift-receivers style then this is stoner perfection. Probably not that much of a struggle for the sober sallys in the room, but dares and tasks like thumb wrestling are bound to be a genuine challenge for the green thumb in your life. It feels weird to say “smoke responsibly” but we don’t want a green out before Nanna arrives for lunch do we?
Cards Against Humanity 2.0
Everyone and their studded collar dog surely has this by now. For those that missed the boat or just want their own copy, CAH have dropped version 2.0 with an extra 150 new cards full of vulgar sayings and examples over the original. That’s 600 cards of bulk possibilities to shock the family into never inviting them round for lunch again. Their Mum could throw something out there that you wouldn’t want to go back though … you’ve been warned.
Young Henrys T-shirt
Can you say “genius branding”? Not only can we grab a slab to pound back on Christmas day but the YH crew have some absolute cracker t-shirt designs. Our personal favourites are the Reign In Beer and Beer Is A Girls Drink designs. His and hers outfits for the inevitable Boxing Day kick ons (or cheeky early Christmas Eve festivities) are sorted. Or just chuck it all in and grab a gift card because Coles Myer is SO 2010.
First Press Cold Drip Coffee Little Kicker single serve (Only available in metro VIC/NSW/SA/QLD)
Do you know someone who’s ever wanted to feel the sun and drop kick a puppy right into the STRATOSPHERE but they’re just so BUSY and ON THE GO that the coffee hit needed is just out of reach? Grab a case of these little wizards and they’ll learn how to taste colours. It’s pure black, double strength and just a tinge of chocolate and hazelnut to combat their body from throwing up in revulsion at how much energy it’s about to pump out.
Killer Coffee Darkerside Blend
Who would win: a complex organism capable of self-awareness or one coffee boi? With the Darkerside blend, that one’s probably going to be the coffee since it has SIX times the amount of caffeine than regular coffee. According to them it’s so strong it’s “bound to make your bones rattle”. I can’t even have one shot without “suddenly discovered anxiety” going through the roof so maybe give it to someone you just really don’t want to ever be settled either.
Tattoo Colouring Book
Start ‘em off early on the tattoo game is our motto. Obviously not tattooing kids you terrible terrible people; we mean just giving them an appreciation of the art right off the bat. It’s not a bad gift for the more artistically inclined in the family too. Who knows: you might just like the look of it enough to get something similar permanently inked. Now isn’t that just an adorable Christmas story for the ages?
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